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| My first "public" entry. I want people to know (who aren't my friends) how fucked up this is.
AJ, my ex-boyfriend and attempted best friend, has ruined me.
He tore apart every single vulnerability apart. My three worst fears: 1) abandonment 2) everyone suddenly stops caring 3) people say I'm klingy and needy and dependent. (that ones a secret though)
I cried and cried.
He might be my ex-boyfriend, but if anyone tore those apart, I would be a wreak.
My new boyfriend doesn't seem to think so.
He thinks that it means I'm not over him. I don't understand why he can't see that anyone could do that. Anyone could see my worst fears and help them come true..
So. He's been acting strange. He seems to just leave whenever things get tough, then I get angry, then he comes out and helps. Fucking sucks..
Anyway, I changed my number so that I can just shut everyone out until I'm ready to come out.
I used to be co-dependent. I can feel myself depending on people again. But now that I'm alone, I can feel it dimming. I can feel it going back to being independent.
Austen seems to think that if I call him and want him to come out because I'm upset, I'm co-dependent on him. I would think that if your girlfriend is upset, you would just try to help her feel better, you wouldn't wait for her to ask you to come out.
Well today he said that I'm an attention whore. And then he said that he shouldn't have to deal with my shit from my ex boyfriend. I said anyone could have done that to me. Then he said I'm a weak person for letting someone do that to me. I will not be with someone who thinks that of me.
So I broke up with him.
I'm going now to get my hair done. I won't look like myself anymore!
And the boys--they'll regret it. Lol. | | |
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This Path of Mine.
This path of mine, may never change.
This path of mine, I may never understand.
But this path of mine, it is going the right way.
And this path of mine.. it is my helping hand.
It going straight, but there are many bumps.
Sometimes I stumble, and other times I cry.
Sometimes I don't want to get back up,
But other times, I feel I can fly.
This path of mine, it changes from night to day.
It changes swiftly, and sometimes I do not see it,
But others I will see the change, and know
That this path of mine is going to my happiness.
It's for my best, and nothing can alter it.
I will be strong, I will not quit.
Bumps to not scare me, and neither do craters
It's for my best, this path of mine.
It's my path, it's my life.
No one controls it.
Only it, and me. | | |
| Yesh, I was sick today.
Doesn't that suck like a duck???
Yes, yes it does.
I'm 200% better though, so I will be as school tomorrow.
I hope no one missed me too much. lmao...
But anyway... I decided that since I am feeling soo much better, that I am going to sing a song...
*sings terribly offtune*
Well.. maybe not... But I still love you all!!!
I really like applesauce, even thought thats what I have been eating ALL day. lmao.
I also watch this terribly funny/hillarious show called "Parental Control" which is where the parents don't like the boyfriend/girlfriend of their child, so they set them up on two blind dates.
Hahahahhahahahahha SO SUPER FUNNY!!!
Comments on stooff??? :o
DO THE KIRBY DANCE
<(^_^)> <(^_^<)<(^_^)>(>^_^)>
YAY FOR KIRBY!!
xoxoxooxoxooox
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| Text me my love, for I will text back asap, so text me, text me....;
Today, I am feeling a little ignored. Kinda unappreciated. I mean, I've made mistakes, but haven't we all? No one seems to forgive anymore. It's just grudges.
But that's not something that has brought me down. In fact, I'm not down at all. Although on Wednesday I have to see my therapist, which isn't good because I don't really like her.
Anyway.... yup! That's all the gosh dandy news for today!
::Poem::
The Happiness; Emptiness; Sorrow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happiness doesn't come easy.
It's hard, it's a process.
But whatever you have to do,
Once you get it
It's always there, and it will stick with you
For you will always remember it
So remember you're mistakes
And remember the times
Where you were happy
And nothing could bring you down
Cause both of those will improve
Your emptiness
Your Sorrow
And needs.
I LOVE YOU EVERYONE
HAPPY DAYS!!!!!!!!
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| I'm so happy! yaay!!
PAAARTY!!
I'm getting my nails don't today so yay! I'm excited for that because then after that AJ is coming over. :)
Although last time I went to get my nails done I went with Julia and I got those acrylic nails, and now I'm going to get them off because... I don't know why I want them off, I just want them off. So yeah. But if it's cheaper to get them re-done, I'm just going to do that. I really do like them, I just don't think other people do =P
Thyroid has been low lately, but I think I am doing better now. Mood swings GALORE!! ((did I spell that right?))
By the way, I think why I'm happy is either because I'm finally totally over J-man, AND/OR because of AJ. AJ has been very supportive lately. I really like that. :)
So yuppers. I can't wait for AJ to come over. Happy Pappy!
Wow, how long has it been since I wrote a happy entry? Haha.
I love all my classes. English is going to be a little but difficult, but as long as I have Gulnar there with me, I'll be okay. ^___^
Atreyu = Good Stuff
Snow Patrol = Better Stuff
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!!
HYPER!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what? I don't even have my permit yet. I should get on that...
Eh.. too lazy. =P
Okay, I should get going soon. Love you alL!!!!!!!!
BYE!!!!!
xoxo
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